like crawling into a hole and dying even if for a moment...

It would be nice if I could simply shut out everyone and everything... cut myself off from technology and just be..

I had no idea that I could be so affected by someone in such a short span of time..

If anything, its probably not even him.  Its more the fact taht I have been so complacent with my life.. the lack of a guy the lack of intimacy.. just enjoying no revelling in the happiness that I was working for LSC even for a short period of time, getting along with Mr Jack Ass in London  and just being me..

Today I feel awful.. I have so many things due and all I want to know is why.. why do I let this get to me. .why now.. why me?

I make time for everything and everyone..  and do everything. 

I've been thinking about my commitments in general.. if I tutor - I cant be with the VJ.. because to tell you the truth it is actually very time consuming..

If I do both of the above, I cannot have a relationship and if I try to - the other person has to be extremely accomodating to my timing.. needs to have their life revolved around me - which is what this guy did for the span of time he's been here.

I honestly thought that he was different to an extent. I mean I dont expect him to profess his undying love for me.. because I do not feel that way- but I like the comfort level we had.. the same ideology.. workaholic status.. if you get what I mean!

I dont know.. I have assignments due, tutoring kids cancelled (yesterday anyway) ... sombre mood for my tutes.. a sick feeling of rejection..

I dont get it - I know it, he knows it the whole fucking world knows that I'm way better than him .. on a totally different track - on a path to success. So I get that hes going to be successful later on in life but I know that we're never going to mesh to the extent that I 'd want to spend the rest of my life with him if you get what i mean.. so WHY?

I feel disconnected .. insanely happy with myself but incredibly sad..

Best One-Liner

http://skow.byethost18.com/nomform.php?nominees

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

No Englis, pliz. We are like this only

Wah, Mulayam, wah! No English. No computers — no problem. Just goondagiri, illiteracy, ignorance and netagiri. A winning formula indeed for India in the 21st century. Sometimes, one feels enough jootas haven’t been hurled yet.

Jayalalithaa once said, ‘‘A good politician rules out nothing.’’ What about a bad politician? The world’s eyes are on us right now. These elections are likely to be the most closely watched ones in the country’s history. So far, the scenario looks pretty depressing and grim — national leaders busy taking cheap potshots at one another (like school-going brats fighting over the Headboy position). Narendra Modi’s sexist and inane ‘‘Budhiya/Gudiya’’ comments.

Political murders, naxal attacks and shameful alignments. There’s a bloody maha yudh going on. But hey... this is democracy at its vibrant best. That’s the upside. Anybody and everybody is welcome to take a crack at winning a seat — from hard-core gangsters to whizkid bankers. It sounds incredible, but at the end of the bhaagam bhaag, the Indian voter invariably manages to assert himself/herself and get the fundas right. That in itself is nothing short of a miracle.

Manmohan Singh has referred to Independent candidates as ‘‘spoilers’’, much to the horror of the chi chi crowd. The fact that he thought it important to raise the issue at all, says something. And that something has to do with a ‘C-word’ called ‘Class’. This election was supposed to be about Caste and little else.

It suddenly looks like Class has become the new Caste! Everybody is having a go at anybody who is educated, speaks English and lives the good life — a city slicker, in other words. I don’t get it. We are more comfortable with smugglers, robbers, murderers and assorted charge-sheeters. We can deal with goons, gamblers, drunkards and other equally charming individuals. But the minute someone armed with a degree walks into the picture, we treat that person as a pariah, an outcaste. If that person happens to be a woman, God help her — she is dubbed a ‘memsaab’, and her privileged background is the first strike against her.

Professional qualifications become disqualifications — an Ophthalmic doctor from Mumbai has been rubbished as a ‘socialite’ since she lives in a posh locality. Ditto for the banker who wears pearls. There is a clumsy attempt to equate middle-class affluence to self-indulgence and frivolity.

Why pigeon-hole politicians by providing ‘uniforms’ based on traditional cliches — khadi kurtas for men, handloom sarees for women? Why damn people who don’t conform to this pre-determined ‘mould’ and defy those dated dress codes? Why accuse them of being disconnected from the masses. ‘Elitist’ is the new gaali, the most convenient putdown. In order to be taken seriously, one only has to look and play the part — forget objectives or issues. It’s the same as getting Sanjay Dutt to parrot ‘Gandhigiri’ dialogues from his hit film and pass them off as his personal ideology. It is all about acting-shackting and manipulative projection. Or so the self-styled experts think.

But the Indian voter (whether from Banjara Hills or Malabar Hill or from the back of the beyond in Chhattisgarh) is much smarter than that, as has been proved in our 14 previous general elections. Underestimating the intelligence of the common man has been many a neta’s undoing. Mulayam Singh had to beat a hasty retreat from his ‘No Englis, pliz’ position. And nobody even in his own state was buying his ‘back to roots’ retrogressive suggestions. Keeping the rural poor without electricity is a trick that no longer works. Bijlee is their birthright and they shall have it.

Computers have transformed their lives with instant money transfers and other electronic banking facilities. Try telling them to go back to living in the trees and scrounging for berries. Mass media, Bollywood in particular, has had such a permanent and powerful influence on voters across the board that today, everyone wants to live the gaudy, technicolour dream. There are countless, restless hopefuls out there who continue to believe in the upbeat India story and are prepared to fight for it aggressively. They came down from the caves years ago.

Nobody can push them back in there again. Not even Mayawati. Singh may well become King again (a ‘weak’ one, Mr Advani?), which is exactly what corporate India wants. But if that happens, our man will have to deal with the ‘spoilers’ in our midst — those rare islands of decency, integrity, sanity, honesty — and yes — naivete. This motley crowd of individuals has given us hope that in an ocean of corruption (the real and only curse in India), they chose to fight on, knowing the odds are stacked against them. Let a thousand ‘spoilers’ bloom!

Must Watch!

www.youtube.com/watch

This may explain some of your life choices so far… I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern France around the year 850.
Your profession was that of a magician or dragon rider.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your task is to learn to love and to trust the universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect, and to develop inner wisdom.

Woohooo I passed audit yeah baby!

I've had enough of tarot readers really... it's very difficult to find a damn good one!

Even if you do find a damn good one, it's just so hard to revisit them again - why because they tend to disappear into thin air.

The thing is, most damn good tarot readers tend to use other mediums to assist in their readings.  For this reason a friend of mine and I decided to visit a pyschic.  Yes a psychic.  The only thing is, the one I would like to visit is a bit far off while my friend wants to visit a South Yarra based lady!

Hmm.. really have to think things over as it's contingent on a lot of things.. but just that even though I've visited spell box numerous times, the thought of visiting a pschic really freaks me out!

I do not think I've ever sat an examination as horrendous as the one at 2pm today.  With sms's and facebook messages flooding my phone with - how was audit? How was the exam? Oooh that and Oooh this.. gimme a break.

Honestly, I have never ever ever blanked out for a full 30 minutes in a fucking 2 hour exam. Excuse my language but the worst possible unit Constitutional wasn't even this bad. At least in constitution I knew what was required of me or I remembered what I could. Let me give you a classic example: Management exam 9am today - I wrote everything I knew. When the question asked me to explain ERG theory something I have never ever ever heard in my life most probably because of the lack of lectures or having not read the book or the lecture notes for that topic (yes I have excluded some topics from my learning material for this particular unit simply because I CBF).  That in my opinion is perfectly justified.

What did I do? Well, I simply checked my seat number and student id was accurately recorded, signalled for that senior citizen to collect my paper and walked out of that awfully stuffy room.  Really, it's that simple.  I can totally accept that.  Another situation would be commercial law - wrote 4 booklets for that and the end result was a 44%.  Great stuff - clearly I had some fundamental understanding issues in that unit.

Here - after 15 minutes into the exam I had an entire 30 minute blank out.  Pursuant to which I freaked out and attempted to calm myself . The situation was so awful that I was only able to answer maybe three questions ( not even accurately) some bullshit and was extremely close walking out of the exam exactly 45 mintues since it's commencement. 

So in short, I recognised what the question asked me, I remember having drilled it into my head and now I remember searching my goldfish brain for too long a duration of the exam.

Clearly this has many implications on my life.  Some of which I do not wish to think about because quite frankly I am so fucking sick of saturn that if I honestly had an opportunity I would give him a goddamned earful and subject him to endure shit.  Tell me how much you like this.  

You know you love your job when you wake up at odd hours just to communicate with your coworker on the other side of the world.  Hmm.. correction - you love it when you're grinning at his cryptic messages in your half asleep state.

So I almost had a heart attack a few days ago as the poor junior hot shot lawyer was culled during the frenzy economic weeding process.  Whilst looking for a job, this person had managed to send out numerous emails and promise to step up in his activities.  Mind you this only lasted one week.  Thank the lord I shall be resuming these responsibilities next week.

I've only recently found that he happens to be a very very indecisive person.  To decide on one simply thing we managed to exchange about 50 odd emails (over something overtly simple) and prolong the issue for a considerable amount of time!

His english is impeccable, he appears to be one of those arrogant, smart, rich boys.  Above all, his blunt honesty / harsh judgements make me want to laugh my heart out.  I admire his courage to say such things even if only to me for I would've never been able to do so.

I have to constantly keep reminding my self that I do not like arrogant pricks and of course there's his long time gorgeous girlfriend he keeps taking all those mini holidays with, who he mentions all the freaking time (not lately).  I believe the poor boy is too busy finding his feet to comprehensively discuss or comment on anything not of particular importance. 

I breathe and remind myself of the professional relationship we share and my innate belief that I can never survive in an inter-racial marriage or relationship of any sort for my system of beliefs are way too strong for anyone not of my upbringing to comprehend.  

I have new found respect for Arts students.  I dont mean the average Arts student who does ""shit all""

I''m talking about those arts studenst who love whatthey do and are exceptionally brilliant at it.  I''ve met quite a few Artsy students today who had an opinoon on everythign and could substantiate it very very well.  Infact, I was amazed at the lack of bullshit but rather the amount of substance in their arguuments. 

It seriously put me to shame, that they could easily pen a piece tomorrow on anything, and I would struuggle. 

Yes - I seriously would. 

I lurve his LJ secret - dunno who posted it (hence called secret)

I think most women do this anyway (whether they like to admit it or not)!!

I was browsing through LJ Secret and I've come across this very interesting post.




It got me thinking... hmm power? what power?

Any other opinions on that one?

So I went shopping @ lunchtime today -- excuse me i needed it after spending 30 mins @ the bank freaking depositing money to someone else!!!!

So @ shopping, I  was making a mental note of things I could buy...

And then I've come across Zamels - all silver 50% off!!!

hence my expenditure of $140.00 AUD in the space of 3 mins.. didnt even take me long to pick out the most loveable pair of earrings & ring!

So I''ve come across this website - today while exploring some of the most random journals on LJ.

Yes - I''ve had a lot of time on my hand... no really the thruth its.. anythign was better than reading tax.

I dont think i''ve ever gulped as many mugs of coffee as I have thus far in trying to get through 1 chapter of tax... here I am still sleepy.

I found this website fascinatinng .. Rather ... some of these pictures were very beautiful .

I would post it up here.. but i honestly CBF saving.. pic and then trying to upload it else where etc...

So much easier just to post the URL!

http://taniade.com/

A skirt

A nice top - soft pink?  or a singlet and cardigan

and

a lovely pair of heels like these